


Home For Good

by hygge



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Crying, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, M/M, Parents, War, coming home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 02:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hygge/pseuds/hygge
Summary: Phil gets drafted for World War III. Dan and their daughter, Emily, try to maintain a normal life while Phil is away.





	Home For Good

It had been five hundred and forty-three days. Five hundred and forty-three days since Phil had been deployed. Five hundred and forty-three days of Dan essentially being a single father. Five hundred and forty-three days of Dan missing Phil.

Some people expected a war due to recent world events, but no one expected a draft. Tensions were high as people everywhere awaited the dreaded letter in the mail. Dan and Phil thought they would have been exempt just due to age alone, until it was announced that the maximum age for those drafted would be forty, as opposed to the original twenty-five. Despite that, they kept their hopes up. What were the chances that either of them would be drafted? But, one afternoon the letter had arrived for Phil. 

It was ingrained in Dan’s memory so vividly. Phil had walked into the lounge with the envelope in his hand. He sat next to Dan on the sofa and he could see how badly Phil’s hands were shaking. They looked at each other as Phil opened the envelope. Dan's eyes settled on the word ‘non-combative’ and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. That was probably the best case scenario for this situation. Phil wasn’t going to be on the front line. His eyes scanned the rest of the document until he saw the date that Phil would be leaving. December 23rd. Merry fucking Christmas.

He remembered the nights that the two of them would lay in bed and Phil would talk about all of his fears and anxieties about leaving. Dan would wrap his arms around Phil as he rambled. What if he never came back? Would Dan and Emily be okay? What if he developed severe PTSD and he wasn’t the same when he returned? What if…? Phil was typically the strong one in their relationship. He was always the one to comfort and help Dan if he was going through a rough time. Seeing Phil like that almost scared Dan because it showed him just how terrified Phil was. It was in those moments that he asked the world why they didn’t draft him instead. 

The first week was the hardest. Dan constantly had nightmares about Phil never coming back. He would bolt upright in the middle of the night, his heart racing and his body covered in a thin layer of sweat. He would try to regulate his breathing while repeating to himself that Phil was fine. He was fine. He wasn’t facing combat. He was on a base somewhere. He was fine. Although, sometimes the repetition of the mantra would throw him into a panic attack where he would pace around his room until finally sitting against the wall with his arms around his knees crying uncontrollably. In times like those, Dan really didn’t know what to do.

But it wasn’t just the nightmares and panic attacks that made it difficult. It was their daughter, Emily, continually asking when Phil was coming back. It was the sympathetic looks from friends and family when they told Dan that they were there if he ever needed anything. It was the memory of Phil’s face when they said goodbye for the last time and how Phil mouthed ‘I love you guys so, so much’ before turning around and following the group of people who looked just like him.

Dan’s heart broke just thinking about Emily screaming out to Phil telling him not to go. She was too young to understand exactly what was happening and where Phil was going. All she knew was that Phil was going somewhere without her and Dan and that was enough. 

After about a month, things began to settle down and Dan and Emily fell back into their routine. Although, there was a Phil-sized void in their life that was ever-present and it made Dan feel numb. He felt like an emotionless blob that was floating around. He hated it. He tried to remain positive for Emily, but that was easier said than done. 

Six weeks after Phil left, Dan finally heard from him. He received a phone call around 11 pm one night, waking him up. At first, he didn’t know who it was. But, once he heard Phil’s voice, he was wide awake. Phil couldn’t talk for very long, just long enough to tell Dan that he was somewhere in Russia, he was safe, and the internet connection where he was was spotty, so phone calls were going to have to be their main source of communication. Dan was relieved, and he told Phil that he and Emily were hanging in there the best they could. 

Now, a year and a half later, life wasn’t as difficult. Sure, Dan still missed Phil with every atom of his being, but it didn’t hurt as much. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was almost becoming normal to not have Phil around. Not that he enjoyed not having Phil around, because he hated it. But, he was learning to cope. They were learning to cope.

 

 

 

 

Dan’s favorite day of the week was the day Phil called. It wasn’t always at the same time, or even on the same day, but it was always something Dan constantly looked forward to.

This time, he called while Dan was in the process of saying goodnight to Emily. It was their nightly ritual that once Emily changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth, Dan would come into her room and they would read a story together. Emily would try to read what she could, and Dan would read the rest. And it seemed like Phil was going to be joining them tonight. 

“Hey, you.”

A smile stretched across Dan’s face when he heard Phil’s voice. These were Dan’s favorite moments, when Phil called, even if only for a few minutes. It brought normalcy to his life.

“Hey. How are you?”

“Eh, same as always— I don’t want to be here, I want to come home, I miss you guys... What are you two up to?” Phil always tried to divert the conversation from how he was doing and what he was up to. Dan couldn’t blame him. He wouldn’t want to talk about it either if he were Phil.

“I’m just helping Em get ready for bed. I’m gonna put you on speaker.”

Dan pulled the phone from his ear, pressed the speaker button, and then placed the phone on the nightstand next to Emily’s bed.

“Hi, Em!"

Emily’s mouth morphed into a huge smile and her eyes shone when she heard who was on the other side. 

“Hi Papa!” she exclaimed, leaning closer to the phone.

“How are you?”

“Good! One of my bottom teeth is loose! Daddy said it’s gonna fall out soon and the tooth fairy will visit! And I’m really excited about my birthday party this weekend! All of my friends are coming! And this week we went to the zoo and we saw all of the animals— even the lions! There was this really big lion and he roared! It was so loud and a girl started to cry. But I didn’t cry because I’m a big girl,” Emily paused and then became quiet. “Papa?"

Dan could hear Phil sniff a couple of times and Dan could tell he was crying. Dan looked up at the ceiling and blinked a few times to will away the oncoming tears of his own. He knew that missing these things was hard on Phil. He had already missed so many milestones from Emily’s childhood: her first day of school, learning how to ride a bike, learning how to swim, learning how to read, her first loose tooth… And it was hard for Dan, as well, watching their daughter grow up by himself. They should have been experiencing that together. 

“Yeah, Em?” Phil asked.

“Can you tell me a bedtime story?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Phil was silent as he was probably trying to think of a storyline. “Have you heard the story about the king and his quest to save the kingdom?”

“Is there a princess?”

“There is a princess. And guess what her name is?”

“What?”

“Princess Emily.”

Another smile made its way to Emily’s face before Phil started his story. She was sat up in bed and leaned towards the phone as Phil started to tell her about the castle Princess Emily lived in. Dan loved how creative Phil was with storytelling. Emily was hanging on his every word, anxious to hear what happened next in the land of Princess Emily. 

Once Phil was finished with his story after a few minutes, Emily crawled under her duvet.

“Em?” Phil asked.

“Yeah?”

“Have a happy birthday if I don’t talk to you until then.”

“Thank you Papa,” Emily yawned.

“Goodnight princess. I love you.”

“Love you,” she murmured.

Dan gave her a light kiss on the forehead before saying goodnight and walking out of her room. He closed the door to Emily’s room before taking Phil off of speaker.

“Okay. I’m back.”

“What kind of party did she want this year?”

“The Little Mermaid.”

Phil laughed a little to himself, and Dan smiled. He loved Phil’s laugh. It wasn’t often when he heard Phil laugh anymore. “She always loved that movie. God. I can’t believe she’s turning six.”

“I know! It’s crazy. Wasn’t she three just a couple of months ago?” he asked as he sat on the sofa in the lounge.

“Seriously. The last time I saw her she was four. Four! That’s insane!” Phil sighed. “I was really hoping I would be home by now.”

“I think we all were,” Dan whispered as he felt a couple of tears fall from his lashes and onto his jeans. Dammit. He was really hoping he would be able to keep it together tonight.

“Dan,” Phil’s voice cracked.

He missed him. So. Fucking. Much. He craved him. Not only in a physical sense — god, he missed sex with Phil — but in a domestic, everyday sense. He missed lying in bed next to him. He missed seeing Phil spend time with Emily. He missed walking into the kitchen and seeing the cupboard doors left open. He missed that weird hand thing Phil did when he didn’t know what the do with his hands. He missed the feeling of Phil holding him. He missed that little thing he did with his tongue while he laughed. He missed all of Phil.

“Sorry, I’m a total mess tonight,” Dan sniffed. “It’s just so hard watching her grow up without you here."

“I really wish I could be there. She isn’t going to be little for much longer, either. She’ll be a preteen before we know it.”

Dan choked on a sob at the thought. “We were going to do this together, raise Emily.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Phil said quietly.

“I’m not blaming you, I just really fucking hate this war.” He grabbed the pillow that was next to him and hugged it while tears ran down his face. He took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. He knew their few minutes of phone time a week would go to waste if he spent most of it crying. “Did you get our letter?”

“Not yet. I’ll check tomorrow and see if it’s there.”

“Em made her own Father’s Day card for you.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. She drew you on the front. It’s a pretty accurate representation, I’d say.” But, right after he said that, Dan realized he hadn’t seen Phil since the day he left. He hadn’t even seen a recent photo of him. The chances of Phil even having his black hair anymore were slim to none. He doubted they had access to hair dye in the middle of a war. He had never seen Phil in person without black hair. It was a big part of Phil’s identity. Knowing that they probably made Phil get rid of it made him more upset than it probably should have, and caused more tears to escape.

“Oh yeah? I look forward to it. I’ll hang it up with all of her other drawings and photos of you two.”

“You hang them up?” Dan tried to hide the fact that he was still crying, but he couldn’t tell if Phil noticed.

“Of course I do. You know in The Simpsons where Homer has photos of Maggie hung up at work and makes the sign say ‘Do it for her’? Kind of like that. Dan? I need to go. Someone else needs to use the phone.” 

“Okay. Be safe. I love you.”

“Always. I love you too.“

Dan hung up and let out the sob he had been trying to hold in. 

 

 

 

 

Before Dan went to bed that night, he walked over to his dresser and opened up a small wooden box that was set on top of it. Inside of the box were numerous handwritten letters from Phil, from the very first one he sent during the first month of his deployment to the most recent one he sent last week. Dan rifled through the box and picked up the letter he was looking for. It was one of the shortest letters, and it was the only one addressed to him specifically and not him and Emily, but Dan always went back to this one whenever he needed a little extra comfort. Phil wrote it the day after a phone call they had where they both became sobbing messes, very similar to what had happened only an hour or so prior.

He took the letter and sat on his bed, his back resting against the headboard.

 

 

_Dan,_

_I know this isn’t easy. There will be a lot of days that are going to be exceptionally difficult. There will be nights where all you want to do is sob into your pillow. There will be times were Em will ask when I’m coming home. There will be holidays and birthdays that I won’t be there for. But, I know how incredibly strong you are and how great of a father you are to Em. I know you can get through it._

_I love you two so much and not a second goes by without thinking about you. I don’t know when I’ll be able to come home, but just remember that this isn’t forever. We’re always one day closer to seeing each other again._

_Love always and forever,_

_Phil_

 

 

The last line always struck him.

He heard on the news that there was a possibility of the war coming to an end soon. How soon, though, no one seemed to know. But, he hoped that was the case. He couldn’t wait for the day when he got to see Phil again.

 

 

 

 

It had been five hundred and forty-seven days, also known as the day of Emily’s sixth birthday and party.

To celebrate, the backyard had transformed into a child’s dream, or Emily’s dream to be more precise. She had quite the vision for this party, which she wanted to be mermaid themed, and Dan tried his best to make it all happen. There was a bouncy castle, face painting, a mermaid dress up area, a table with all sorts of goodies, a pizza party… He had to nix the idea of pony rides, though. Maybe next year.

Dan was never a planner. That was something Phil would usually take care of because he was good at it, and seemed to enjoy it. Having to coordinate everything overwhelmed Dan. When would the party be? Where would it be? What sort of food should they have? When did he need to send out invitations? Who should they invite? What sort of activities should they have? It was a lot. Luckily, he had some really great friends and neighbors who had offered to help him get everything set up as well as supervise the kids. Trying to look after fifteen five and six-year-olds would have been challenging. That was at least something he didn’t have to worry about.

While the children were playing, he was sitting on a patio chair with a couple of the other parents. One of the moms who offered to help out was telling a story of how her dog tried to fight off a fox the night before. As she was finishing with her story, Emily walked up to Dan.

“Daddy?”

“What’s wrong, Em?" She had a worried look on her face which contrasted with the pink and purple glittery face paint she had.

“Noah said that people die in wars. Is Papa going to die?” Just hearing her say that created a tight feeling in Dan’s chest. He didn’t want her to worry about things like that, especially not on her birthday.

Even though he was turned towards Emily, he could tell that the parents sat next to him stopped what they were doing to listen in on the conversation. He almost wanted to tell them to knock it off and mind their own business, but he decided against it.

“No, sweetheart. He’s not going to die. He’s very safe where he is. There are some people that might die, but they are in a different area. He’s going to be fine.”

Her eyes still were full of worry. “Promise?”

“Promise,” he smiled. He hated promising something of that magnitude to her. War was so uncertain. While there was a good chance that Phil was going to arrive back home unharmed, there was also that chance that he wouldn’t. But, he wanted Emily to know that everything was going to be okay, because in a way, it helped him believe it too.

She stepped to the side of Dan’s chair and wrapped her arms around his neck for a hug.

“Good. I don’t want him to die.”

“Me neither. But, he’s going to be okay. Tell your friends I’m going to set up the cupcakes in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay.”

Once Emily walked away, one of the other parents turned towards him.

“I don’t know how you do this.”

He shrugged. “We didn’t really have much of a choice. We try to take things one day at a time.” He knew it wasn’t that great of an answer, but he really didn’t want to talk about Phil not being there. Instead, he excused himself and went inside to get the cupcakes.

Dan had them made at a local bakery, because he couldn’t even bake cookies, let alone a sparkly rainbow mermaid bonanza. They turned out even better than he expected. And once he brought them outside, he didn’t even have to call the kids over to the table. Once they saw the cupcakes being placed on the table, they all ran over.

A single candle was placed on one of the cupcakes for Emily, and the group began to sing to her. Emily’s birthday always made Dan emotional. It was a reminder that their little girl was growing up and time was moving much faster than he liked.

“What did you wish for?” Dan asked after Emily blew out her candle.

“If I tell you, then it won’t come true!”

Dan couldn’t argue with that logic.

After the cupcakes were devoured and the children were even more hyped up on sugar than they were before, Dan started to tidy up while the children went back to playing. He couldn’t get his mind off of what Emily had asked him a little while ago, so he wanted to keep himself busy.

From behind him, Dan could hear the wooden gate open. He wondered which child hadn’t shown up yet, as he thought everyone had already arrived. When he turned around, his eyes met icy blue ones. Immediately, he started to run across the yard, the image of Phil blurred by his own tears. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil as tightly as he could, as if he would vanish if he did otherwise. Neither of them said anything. Neither of them could say anything. The only sound that was emitted from either of them were the sounds of them crying.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe you're actually here,” Dan breathed, his words shaky as tears continued to race down his cheeks.

He stepped back and wiped away his tears before really taking a good look at Phil. Dan didn’t know what he expected, but Phil didn’t look much different. Other than Phil's lack of black hair, the only real difference Dan could notice were the bags under his eyes, which wasn’t anything that Dan hadn’t seen before. He just hoped that Phil was the same mentally, but only time would tell on that one.

Dan brought his hands up to Phil’s face, his shoulders, his chest, just to be sure that this was actually happening and wasn’t a dream. Yup. This was real. Phil was home.

“I missed you so much, Bear,” Phil whispered before he wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand.

Hearing Phil call him that brought new sobs up to the surface. Dan knew Phil only used that nickname for him in certain situations. That was probably why it was always so wonderful to hear. He threw his arms around Phil again and cried into his shoulder, while Phil comfortingly ran his hand along Dan’s back.

“Papa!” Dan heard Emily yell from behind him. He turned around and saw her sprinting toward Phil.

Dan knew that their friends and neighbors were watching, but he didn’t mind. He was too focused on Phil actually standing in front of him to even think about all of the eyes on the two of them. It was almost like their wedding day. Everyone was looking at them, but they didn’t care, because he, Phil, and Emily were all in their own little world.

Phil knelt down on the ground so he was able to give Emily a proper hug. 

“Happy birthday princess."

“My wish came true! I wished you would come home and you’re here! This is the best birthday ever.” Emily grabbed Phil’s hand and tried to pull him towards the rest of the party. “I want to show you my party! There’s cupcakes! And a bouncy castle!” She dropped Phil’s hand and started to run towards a table full of snacks.

Before they followed Emily, Dan turned to look at Phil. He was afraid to ask this question because he didn’t want to hear the answer. But, it needed to be said.

“Are you home for good?” he asked quietly. He didn’t think he could stand watching Phil leave again. Now that he was home, he never wanted to let him go. They could resume their life together after almost two years.

Phil smiled at the question before he pecked Dan on the lips and rested his forehead against his.

“I’m home for good."


End file.
